Defining Personality

If you’ve been anywhere near the internet over the past 10 years, you’re probably familiar with the terms ‘introvert’ and ‘extrovert’. They’re even included as a central component of the popular Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) personality types. 

Chances are you already know what they mean — and even which one you are! Just in case you’re not aware though, here are some dictionary definitions for you:

According to Carl Jung, the psychologist who originally theorised these personality types, an introvert is a person who is “...generally directed inward toward their own feelings and thoughts.” In contrast, an extrovert is someone whose “energy is directed towards others. Some typical traits of introverts and extroverts include:

Traits of an Introvert

Introverts:

• Shy

• Contemplative

• Awkward in social situations

• Reflective

Traits of an Extrovert

Extroverts:

• Outgoing

• Expressive

• Sociable

• Responsive

Lots of other aspects of one’s personality are said to be affected by introversion and extroversion. Things like decisiveness (introverts might take more time to make decisions), aggression (extroverts might be more brash and comfortable with conflict) and responding to stress (introverts might withdraw while extroverts might face a problem head-on) have supposed links to personality. 

Generally speaking, though, introversion and extroversion are mostly categorised by how a person is energised. An introvert tends to lose energy when spending time with others and recharges by being alone. On the other hand, an extrovert does not enjoy being on their own and feels most alive when they’re in the company of others. 

Whether you believe wholeheartedly in your personality type or are completely unaware, there’s no denying that our beliefs about these things shape our interactions with others and our individual and wider communities.

Here at Friendzone, we think that there’s lots more to friendships than the ‘I’ or ‘E’ in your MBTI type! Read on for a new perspective.

Labels: Do they help or hinder?

Humans love to label things. Having categories and definitions helps us to make sense of the world, and the ‘introvert’ and ‘extrovert’ labels are no different! It probably helps that for most people, it’s easy to feel ‘seen’ in personality types. We’ve all had moments where we’ve been on our own for a bit too long and crave the company of friends. It’s very likely that you’ve had moments where you just need some alone time after a long day of work. Maybe you’re a naturally shy person who likes to take time to consider your thoughts and feelings before expressing them. Maybe you have diverse groups of friends and love hosting events to bring these people together. 

Whatever the case, it should come as no surprise that we find these labels particularly validating. There’s nothing wrong with looking to external ideas to help you navigate life — but what happens when a label becomes an identity?

If you find yourself using your personality type to justify how you choose to spend your time or who you relate with, especially before giving them a chance, it might be time to take a step back and think about whether you’re using intro- and extroversion as a barrier, a shield…or even an excuse. 

How does being a firm believer in your introvert/extrovert label, and personality types as a whole, affect your social life? It’s great — and important! — to be self-aware. Being in-tune with your emotions and energy levels helps you to put necessary boundaries on your time. You can make sure that you don’t overcommit, and give the people you love your best self! 

However, do you find yourself writing off gatherings altogether because you assume you’re an introvert and won’t enjoy yourself? Or are you an extrovert who panics at the prospect of spending a Friday evening alone? If you’re someone who defaults to assumptions about yourself and how you spend your time based on your supposed personality, we’d encourage you to make a little change! 

These labels can also become unhelpful when we impose them on others. Maybe you avoid the classmate who always steps up to lead because you assume that they’re an extrovert who will zap your energy. You might be missing out on someone whose friendship might enrich your life! In the same way, that quieter colleague that you steer clear of could have brand new perspectives that change the way you see the world. 

It takes some work, but try pushing past your assumptions and saying yes to uncomfortable situations! There could be amazing friendships waiting on the other side.

People can be Energising!

Of course, we all have days where we’re not feeling up to being social. It’s always good to have a rest! Something to consider though, is that different groups of people demand different levels of energy from us. 

If you’ve had a tough day at work and need a break from it, you could meet up with a friend who does something completely different! They could help you think about something else for a while, and maybe even refocus on what you love in your life that’s not work-related.

Maybe you’re feeling drained after being at a family gathering all day. A casual meetup with some neighbours might be just what you need! Spending time with people who are relatively new to you will let you shift gears. Bonus: getting to know new people might also help you to feel re-energised and excited about the uniqueness of others.

The Reality is, We’re All Ambiverts

As widely-accepted as introvert and extrovert personality types are, they’ve actually been dismissed by most experts! Many suggest that instead of being firmly in one extreme or the other, most people are ambiverts. This means that most of us fall somewhere between the two, and our social energy levels adjust based on situations. As we grow and adapt to the demands of life, we develop the skills to deal with different situations, eventually becoming ambiverts!

As you journey through life, keep being open to experiences and putting yourself out there — regardless of what your personality type is! That’s how we grow and learn. In the meantime, remember that personality types might be helpful for insight but shouldn’t dictate how you feel about yourself or others. Every person is unique, has value and, and spending time to get to know others in your community is always worthwhile.  

We hope this will encourage you to be more open to new experiences whatever your personality may be!

If you loved this article, check out our Friendship Guide by our co-founder, Grace!

Love, 

The Friendzone Team