As with all relationships, friendships come with their ups and downs. No relationship is completely smooth-sailing, and that’s a good thing! ‘Drama’ or conflict can reveal areas in a relationship that need work, and getting through them together builds stronger bonds in the long run.

Just because conflict is healthy, though, doesn’t mean that it’s pleasant! Periods of friendship drama are painful, difficult and tricky to navigate - that’s why we’ve put together some pointers that might help! Read on for 4 tips to get through this tough period.

Manage your Expectations

One of the biggest misconceptions that we have is that a good friendship will always be smooth-sailing. In reality, this expectation very rarely holds true! If anything, a relationship with no bumps might be a sign that one of both parties isn’t being authentic with their feelings.

The first step to dealing with anything - from minor annoyances to big blowups - is to remember that people are messy. Everyone has bad days, quirky habits and unique perspectives, and it’s totally normal for these to clash sometimes!

Think it Through 

If you find yourself in a difficult situation with a friend, step back. Take some time to yourself to process and examine your feelings. Some questions you could ask yourself are:

• What am I feeling? Hurt? Disappointment? Anger?

• Why am I feeling this way?

• What have they done to contribute to this situation?

• What have I done to contribute to this situation?

If this conflict was triggered by a fight or event, it’s okay to take all the time you need to process away from the drama! In a healthy relationship, we should be willing to respect one another’s need for time and space. Removing ourselves from the situation can also help us to put down our defences and take responsibility for our own role in the conflict.

Get Perspective

After you’ve taken some time to think it through, bring the problem to someone else. Asking a trusted friend or relative for their opinion can bring some much-needed perspective! When close relationships and emotions are involved, it’s likely that our judgement will be clouded. Asking an external party for their views can give us a more objective view of what went down and help us to identify the root of the issue and what needs to be addressed.

While you’re processing by yourself and with someone else, though, it’s important to remember that you still don’t have the whole story! Until you bring the issue to your friend, you have no concrete way to know what their thoughts, feelings and perspectives are. Remember to keep an open mind!

Talk it Out

The only healthy way to get through a conflict is to be honest with one another. Set a time and find a safe, neutral space where you can have an open conversation. As you hear them out, remember to intentionally lay aside assumptions and judgement. Take your friend at face value. Everyone perceives situations differently, and everyone's feelings are valid!

Similarly, when you explain yourself to them, try to avoid making sweeping accusations or assumptions. Instead, use ‘I’ statements and focus on expressing your feelings as honestly and clearly as possible. 

By holding space for one another, you can work together to figure out the root of the issue and how to move forward!

Commit to Working it Out

Hashing it out with your friend is just the beginning. Once you’ve both shared your views and feelings and you’ve identified what may have caused unhappiness - put what you’ve learnt into practice!

Commit to changing your behaviours and adapting to one another’s needs. If you’re able to do this, your relationship won’t be the only thing that grows stronger - you’ll both be learning to be a better friend! Getting through conflict is difficult, but it’s worth it if you emerge stronger together. 

When there’s no happy ending…

Sometimes, though, reconciliation isn’t possible :( When a friendship is unsafe or toxic, or when one party is not willing to put in the necessary work, it might be better to let go. Stay tuned for our next Real Talk, where we’ll explore how to navigate a friendship breakup!