Catch-Up Friendships: Good or Bad?

You’ve heard it countless times — your friendships are going to change as you get older. People who were mainstays in your life become distant. You go from seeing each other in classes everyday to struggling to find time in your busy schedules. This is when you might start to notice that some of your friendships evolve into catch-up friendships.

Catch-up friendships are when friends reconnect and update each other on their lives intermittently, often after extended periods of not being in regular contact. It can uncomfortable change — but is it a good or bad thing? Read on to hear our thoughts, and get some ideas on how you can navigate them!

The Bad

It can be depressing when you realise that more of your friendships are becoming catch-up ones because these friends are not present for the important moments as they happen. Instead, they only hear about these moments after they’ve passed. This lack of real-time involvement can make it feel like they are not truly part of your life journey, especially if they used to have front row seats to everything!

Another downside is that when you only meet sporadically, the limited time that you have with your friends is usually spent updating each other on significant milestones and changes. This can leave very little room for sharing personal struggles or offering emotional support, and might make the friendship feel more like a series of highlights rather than a continuous, supportive relationship.

On the other hand…

The Good

Life happens — as you grow older and busier, your availabilities change. You’ve got work, family and other commitments to manage on top of your friendships, and it can be tough to slot your friendships in.

But meeting your friends is an intentional choice! Change your perspective to appreciate when your friends do find the time to reconnect — you’re prioritising each other. This mutual understanding can foster deep respect and appreciation for each other’s journey.

Also consider that catch-up friends hold memories of shared experiences that have shaped who you are today. Reconnecting with them allows you to revisit those moments, reflect on your growth, and sometimes, find comfort in the familiar. Each catch up can also serve as a reminder of how far you have come from the previous meet up!

So…how can you nurture your catch-up friendships?

While researching for this blog post, I had a conversation with my boss about her take on catch-up friends. She called them “milestone friends,” and the term really resonated with me. I thought about my own circle of “milestone friends,” like my friends from secondary school who I only see a couple of times a year. When we do meet, we spend a good chunk of time diving into all the significant events from the past year—sharing travel stories from the school holidays, moments of heartbreak, and personal challenges we faced. Reflecting on these experiences got me thinking about how to maintain these special relationships, so here are my tips on nurturing catch-up friendships!

1) Be intentional: make a consistent effort to reach out. It’s easy to think about what you could be doing, but you’ve got to put it into action! A simple message or phone call can pave the way for a catch-up. Don’t hesitate! 

2) Plan Ahead: As far as possible, schedule meet-ups in advance. Put them in your calendar and block out that time! This ensures that you and your friend both make time for each other and have something to look forward to together.

3) Celebrate Milestones: Remember important dates like birthdays, or job promotions! If you find it hard to remember, make a note in your diary or set an alert on your phone. A simple message or a small gift can go a long way in showing you care.

As you adjust to the changing nature of your friendships in adulthood, you’re bound to go through some growing pains. It’s alright to take the time and space you need to adjust! Aside from getting used to what your existing friendships look like now, you can also invite new friends into your life! Try attending a FZ event to meet new people who are navigating the same life changes as you :)