Tackling Loneliness at University
“University is going to be the best and most exciting time of your life!”
It’s the start of a new phase of life. You’re excited to experience everything that your seniors or parents promised about university life: new friends, bigger social circles, fun events, parties and more. Taking it all in, you take your first big step into your very first tutorial class.
But to your dismay, reality doesn’t quite match up. Sitting in awkwardly-spaced gaps between each other, it seems like everyone is more interested in their phones than in making friends. Getting to know your tutorial mates never goes beyond an uneasy round of your name + one fun fact. You go through the entire tutorial without uttering a word, then silently leave for your lunch break… alone.
If this scenario seems familiar to you, don’t worry! It’s not just you. University can be a pretty lonely time. Tiktok users call these common experiences “mouse moments”, which are introspective moments where you find yourself eating alone and realise that you’ve yet to make friends at university. Others have taken to Reddit to share bleak reflections on loneliness and their personal struggles in finding their own circle of close friends.
Why is it so hard to make friends at university?
Part of it is that uni doesn’t give you a fixed group of people in the same way secondary school or JC did. You don’t always have the same classmates, the same breaks, or the same routine together. Instead, you meet people for one module, talk for a bit, maybe follow each other on Instagram… then the semester ends and everyone disappears.
After a while, it can get tiring to keep starting over.
Hall and CCAs can help, but not everyone gets into hall, and not every CCA is structured to give you a close friend group. Some communities already have cliques and regulars by the time you join, and it can be hard figuring how to fit in.
It’s okay to be alone
As current and ex-university students who have gone through this, we would like to assure you that it is completely normal if you feel lonely. If you find yourself walking to class or eating a meal alone, you’re not doing anything wrong. Rather, these are common experiences, and everyone around you is going through the same thing. Dealing with this stark transition in friendship dynamics, struggling to find your place, and learning to find comfort in being alone is a common phase that many move through during the university experience.
If you do want to do something to expand your uni circles though, read on for 4 simple steps that can help you feel a little less lonely at uni!
1) Take the first step: Initiate conversations!
From lectures and tutorials, to clubs and interest groups, you’ll come into contact with many different people in University. Plenty of people keep to themselves, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re unfriendly or don’t want to make friends.
If part of you wishes someone would just start a conversation, there’s a good chance the rest are thinking the same thing. Sometimes, you may have to be the one to take the first step.
Try to start small, something like "eh, do you know where the next class is?". From there, it's easy to slide into more introductory questions like "which poly/JC/ITE were you from?", “what made you decide to come to this course?”.
2) Invite people to hang out
You’ll find yourself with pockets of free time in between your classes or during meal times. These are perfect opportunities to gather your coursemates and spend some time with them. Whether it’s sharing a meal before class, chilling, or studying together, you can always invite your fellow students to hang out. Seizing these small opportunities to hang out could lead to lifelong friendships!
Make the invite specific and low-pressure. Instead of "we should hang out sometime," try "I'm grabbing lunch after this, want to come?" or "wanna check out the CCA fair together?" Even something as small as "sit together for the next lecture?" works.
3) Join a club
Whether you’re into sports, music, culture or volunteering, there’s definitely a student community for you in University. University clubs are a great way to meet like-minded people, make lasting connections, and build meaningful relationships with people who share your interests and passions. If you’re unsure of what club to join, step out of your comfort zone and take advantage of the safe and supportive environment that University provides to try something new!
Don’t just sign up and disappear after one session (yesss we know some of you do that 👀). Try going regularly and talking to at least one familiar face each week. If the opportunity arises, volunteer to help out with something small so people start recognising you!
4) Shape the experience you want
If you envision your university experience to be a fun and social one, take action. Be bold about shaping the experience that you want by initiating conversations with new people you meet, asking your fellow tutorial classmates out for lunch, or joining a club that aligns with your interests. Chances are, others are feeling the same way and would love to make friends too.
One more thing you can do is to join a Friendzone event! At Friendzone, we focus on creating spaces for young adults just like you to meet new people and form new friendships. We’re also launching a new series in the later half of the year for uni students — keep an eye on our socials for updates!
University can be the best and most exciting time of your life, but it takes bravery to make it happen. Don’t quietly resign yourself to an experience that doesn't align with your vision. With time and effort, proactiveness and patience, you’ll find your people and shape your own university experience the way you want it. We believe in you!