You Should Go and Love Yourself
Dear friend,
It’s the season of love! Everyone’s focused on getting a date or showing their love for their significant other, but how have you been loving yourself? Fostering a healthy relationship with ourselves helps us build resilience in difficult situations.
Our question to you this Valentine’s Day is…What does self-love mean to you?
What if self-love isn't just about daily affirmations or treating yourself to an item in your online shopping cart? What if loving oneself goes beyond social norms and leads us to unexpected paths?
What is Self-Love, and Why is it Important?
Self-love is defined as “an attitude of self-kindness”. It can also be the act of prioritising our needs above other considerations. Each of us has an emotional cup that can be filled or emptied, and cultivating self-love helps us find ways to feel more emotionally-fulfilled on our own. Practising self-love is an art form that is unique to every individual. Likewise, the ways in which we define self-love depend on our perception of love! Is it the act of self-acceptance, a regard for one's happiness or worth, or something else entirely?
It sounds like a buzzword, right? But it’s totally relevant to today’s context where mental health takes centre stage in our daily lives. According to Aristotle, self-love is the foundation of the proper development of our natures. This means that it improves our overall well-being and perception of yourself and your life. For instance, an act of self-love can be forgiving yourself when you make an accidental mistake at work because you recognise that you’re only human — we all make mistakes! In this case, self-love changes the way you approach a small setback.
How Self-Love Impacts Our Lives
As youths navigating through life, we often encounter situations that prompt us to reflect on our self-worth. The desire to be viewed as competent and worthy is one that we all share, but questions such as "Am I worthy of love?" or "Should I pursue my dream job?" can stir feelings of uncertainty and comparison with peers, which can ultimately lead to impostor syndrome.
In response to these uncertainties, fostering healthy habits becomes a profound act of self-love. Embracing self-love empowers us to nurture a positive self-image and engage in more constructive self-talk. For example — imagine you are a university student juggling classes, assignments and part-time jobs. In the midst of all this, fostering healthy habits can become your way of practising self-love. You take short breaks to stretch during online lectures or set limits on your screen time to avoid burnout. These can help you to build resilience and maintain a positive mindset, assisting you in navigating life’s many challenges.
The Aspects of Self-love
We’ve talked about why you should focus on self-love, but what could it look like for you? There are 3 elements of self-love: self-awareness, self-worth, and self-care. They work together in different combinations to help us develop healthier habits to love ourselves. Read on to figure out what combo might work best for you!
1. Self-Awareness
Embracing self-awareness is like farting in a crowded bus stop and owning up to it with a sheepish grin; it’s about acknowledging your quirks and moving on with confidence. It’s characterised by being conscious of your emotions and personality traits. By fostering self-awareness, we gain insights on emotional triggers in our daily lives. This not only sheds light on what our needs are but also provides a platform for self-evaluation. Understanding our emotional landscape also enables us to develop a deeper appreciation for ourselves!
Integrating self-awareness into our daily lives could look like recognising stressful situations and embracing healthy techniques such as grounding and breathwork to manage our emotions in those moments. The more insight you have into what makes you tick, the better you can care for yourself!
2. Self-Worth
Self-worth is our belief that we are worthy of happiness and success. When we genuinely believe in our worthiness, it becomes a driving force that propels us to strive for our goals.
Cultivating a greater sense of self-worth could be what drives us to follow a career that aligns with our passions, regardless of how well we performed in school or at work. It is the belief that we are worth more thanthat society’s measures of “success” that helps us gain the courage to pursue our aspirations. In essence, self-worth gives us much-needed resilience to seize opportunities and live our best possible life.
3. Self-Care
Self-care is defined as the practice of preserving and improving one’s well-being. No, it is not just about treating yourself to a nice cuppa after a long day (though we’re all prone to doing this)! It doesn’t have to be big pocket purchases, it can also be in the mundane. Self-care can look like prioritising sleep rather than your social life, or even painting your nails to decompress after work. Growing your network and gaining new insights on the topics you care about can sometimes be considered forms of self-care (Friendzone events are a great way to do just that, check them out here!).
Whatever it may be, everyone’s self-care routine is special and no one person practises it the same way as another. How you choose to preserve your well being is up to you!
How have We Practiced Self-Love?
Self-love can occur in unexpected ways! As curious creatures at Friendzone, we asked around for our friends' unique self-love practices that we can learn from!
1. Scheduling “Me Time”
Despite our busy schedules, carving out time for ourselves allows us to unwind and discover our interests. This can be in the form of scheduling a day of the week to do something that you like. Say, visiting a cafe that you have bookmarked for the longest time or even attending a tufting workshop for fun! What’s life without some fun, anyway? Regardless whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, “Me Time” creates a sanctuary for us to reflect and rejuvenate and turn our focus onto ourselves. It is through this that we are able to increase our self-awareness and care for ourselves at the same time.
2. Setting Boundaries
Establishing and maintaining boundaries enables us to better manage our emotional triggers when interacting with others. By clearly communicating our needs — whether it’s declining an invitation to a post-work activity or being contactable only during office hours — we can meet our individual needs and preserve our (mental and emotional) well-being. A fellow friend, E, shared that they were meeting a friend, Y, for lunch and Y suggested having Mala. E wasn’t feeling too well to be in the mood for spicy food that day, so they communicated to Y that they prefer non-spicy food for that day. Setting boundaries can come in the form of expressing your needs to others — even something as simple as stating your food preferences! Overall, boundaries help us to form healthier and more mutually-respectful relationships with ourselves, peers, friends and loved ones.
3. Emotional Validation
Feelings come and go, yet occasionally, we experience big feelings such as anger or sadness. Acknowledging these emotions allows us to better navigate situations. This can come in the form of recognising our triggers and understanding how they influence our perspectives. Consider a scenario where you feel upset during an argument and decide to take a momentary pause. Our friend, N, expressed that she handles situations like this by listening to music in her room and dancing like nobody's watching! By validating your emotions, you gain insight into your feelings. Harnessing this understanding empowers us to navigate experiences and regulate our emotions in a healthier way.
Yay! Now that we are more aware of how we can love ourselves, here are some prompts for you to think about:
What does self-love mean to you?
What are your needs? Describe some ways that you can “fill your own cup”!
What is something that you are proud of yourself for?
Self-love involves treating yourself with the same understanding and kindness you offer to others! This Valentine’s Day, remember that you are deserving of love — regardless of your romantic situation.
Here’s to loving yourself!
XOXO,
Friendzone SG