Photo Credits to @angelalistens on Instagram
Lately, I've been thinking about what it means to make time for the people we love. Not just finding an empty slot in our calendars to meet up, but being intentional with the time we do get to spend together. How often, amidst our busy lives, do we go through the motions of maintaining our relationships without considering how we want to show up for them?
Some time ago, I came across an Instagram carousel of an older Asian lady talking about her husband, who worked as a truck driver. Because of his long work hours, he didn't get to spend much time with his daughters. But every morning, he made it a point to be home in time to send them to school.
He had only five minutes with them each morning. Five minutes to talk, listen, and be present with them before they went about their separate days.
What struck me was how little time he had, and yet how much thought he put into it. Within the limits of what he had, he chose to be present. It's unhurried, not necessarily because they had an abundance of time, but because he was intentional about being present.
Photo Credits to Pixabay
I've been thinking about this in the context of friendships, especially since I’ve started work. Our days are structured around things that need to get done. Even our free time can feel like something to manage carefully. When a friend asks to meet, I might already be weighing up whether I have the energy, how long it'll take, and what else I could be doing with those hours.
Sometimes, I make these calculations before I've even given the interaction a chance to happen.
Case in point: my JC friend, Ben (not his real name).
We were batchmates in junior college, said hi and bye a few times when we passed each other in school, nothing more. But this year, a chance encounter at a youth event brought us back together. I was a volunteer and he, a participant. We chatted, caught up with each other, and realised, hey, we really clicked! Why had we not hung out more before? We decided to make plans right there. I was pretty free back then, just graduated and still in the throes of job applications. So what better way to fill my time than to hang out with friends?
A few weeks later, we met for lunch and spent almost the entire day together.
Photo Credits to Pixabay
He had brought a 500-piece puzzle to work on. As we pieced it together, our conversation wandered between the mundane and the profound. We'd talk about what was happening in our lives, then find ourselves discussing questions about life neither of us had ready answers to. At other times, we'd go quiet, each absorbed in searching for the right piece among the hundreds scattered across the table.
The silence was comfortable.
I didn't feel the need to think of something interesting to say or worry that we were wasting time by not talking. We sat and stewed in our own thoughts until one of us had something to say again. Time moved differently when we’re hanging out, and before I knew it, evening was creeping in.
At this point, some might have called it a day, made up some excuse, and gone home. But neither of us seemed especially inclined to leave, so we didn't, partly because neither of us wanted to leave the puzzle unfinished, partly because we simply liked each other’s company. It felt like a no-brainer. In fact, by the time we finished, the food court had closed, and we were chased out, putting our final piece in the dark on a bench outside the hospital at 10 pm. It was a comical sight. Two random people lurking in the dark, illuminated only by the light on their phones.
Photo Credits to Pixabay
But now, ever since I started work, I've found myself hesitating to meet Ben. Suddenly, time is a rare commodity, and I've become more stingy with it. I often feel like I have to rearrange my life around work. There’s never enough time to do anything. So I decided to withhold my time from friends. Little did I know, meaningful relationships keep me going, and withholding myself from them means I lose one of the most important aspects of my life. In fact, looking back now, I realise the meetups I drag myself to at the end of a long work day often left me recharged and fulfilled. I’ve never regretted them. Just goes to show how easy it is to forget how important friendships are when we are caught up with our busy life. I’m trying not to do that now.
I think back to the truck driver and the five minutes he spent with his daughters each morning, and I am convicted. Investing in our relationships doesn’t require unlimited hours; it’s as simple as an intentional 5 minutes set aside. Then, in that time, whether long or short, be present. That’s how a relationship should be.
“Where got time?” you may ask, the Singaporean in you about to list just how busy you are. I’m not discounting how busy we all are. But I’m asking how intentional you are with the time you do have. It can look like a grocery run with a friend, a yoga class at CBD after work, a drink on the weekends. Making time for the relationships that matter to you doesn’t have to be complicated, but it does have to be intentional.
So back to Ben. Instead of postponing our meetup again, I sent him an event I found interesting and blocked out time on my calendar to hang out. The Instagram post had made me take a hard look at how I was approaching my friendships, and what I saw made me uncomfortable. As I settled into the routine of work life, my days were starting to blur together. I blinked, and suddenly the end of the year was upon me. Somewhere along the way, I had stopped making room for the spontaneity of friendships, and I was beginning to feel the absence of it.
Looking back, what I remember most about that day with Ben isn't whether we finished the puzzle, or even what we talked about. It's how I felt. I wasn't mentally ticking off my to-do list or wondering what else I could be doing with my time. I was simply there, enjoying the moment and his company. Perhaps that's what I've been missing: not necessarily more hours in a day, but learning to prioritise and make time to be present for our relationships, not just my work, deepening the relationships that matter most to me.
So if there's one thing I'd like to leave you with, it's this: How would you like to make time for your friendships today? It doesn't have to be an entire afternoon spent piecing together a puzzle (though I wouldn't say no to that). It could be five minutes over coffee, a quick catch-up after work, or simply reaching out first. Friendship takes effort, yes, but I'd like to think it's effort worth making.