Making Friends with Neighbours - Nosy or Nice?
Do you ever find yourself reminiscing about the people you’ve made friends with in your childhood neighbourhood?
When we were kids, it was so much easier to make friends. But as we grow older and take on more responsibilities in life, we tend to devote more time to building careers, dating or our families rather than forging new connections.
Although neighbours are people who are in close proximity to where we live, we may find it difficult to initiate conversations or connect with them. Singaporeans find a lot of comfort in keeping our lives private—so much so that we sometimes lose interest in our neighbours and our surrounding communities.
These days, it’s even harder to interact with people in your neighbourhood, especially with social distancing measures. The existing problem of social isolation has been exacerbated due to the Covid-19 pandemic— but many have coped with feelings of loneliness by reaching out to people in their neighbourhoods or next-door acquaintances to help them get by!
Making friends with neighbours can be quite intimidating especially when you’ve gotten used to keeping to yourself. But there’s great value in getting to know the people who live around you!
Why be Friends with Neighbours?
There’s a Chinese saying that goes “远亲不如近邻,“ which, loosely translated, means “a relative that is far away cannot compare to a neighbour that is close by.” Sometimes, it’s much more beneficial to reach out to someone who’s physically near you than to call up a relative who lives on the other side of Singapore. Establishing relationships with neighbours can be fulfilling and value-adding—they can introduce you to the best hawkers around, give you gardening advice, and even lend you some sugar when you’ve run out! These are just a few of the many things that can enrich your neighbourhood experience.
When technology came around, it almost became optional to leave the house and interact with people—even with those who live right next door. Furthermore, it can be challenging to figure out how close you should get when getting to know your neighbours. Popping by uninvited and engaging in too-long conversations can make you come across as intrusive or nosy. But there’s value in getting to know your neighbours! Here’s why:
Building relationships with neighbours is convenient
Interacting with your neighbours can lead to meaningful and fulfilling relationships. Since you already live so close to each other, the convenience makes it easier to develop these friendships. It’s easier to grab breakfast together before work, go on an afternoon run together, or make spontaneous plans. Rather than travelling all the way to the other side of town to catch up, you can arrange meetings at a nearby kopitiam within walking distance of both of your homes.
And it’s always nice to come home to a neighbourhood filled with friends :)
Gain multiple perspectives from your interactions
When you get to know those living around you, you also give yourself the opportunity for personal growth by embracing and appreciating the differences between you and your neighbours. Living in a diverse country like Singapore, chatting and getting to know neighbours of different ethnicities, religions and life experiences can open your mind to new cultures and perspectives.
Being able to discuss these differences can cultivate a sense of belonging and camaraderie within the neighbourhood. And at the same time, living in the same neighbourhood can give you shared experiences—you can talk about things that friends living in a different neighbourhood wouldn’t understand!
Learn more about your neighbourhood
There’s a difference between living in your neighbourhood and living in your neighbourhood. You might have stayed there for years without realising that stunning murals and vibrant community centres are just a few steps away. And what about those hidden hawker stalls that only the locals know about.
Talking to others allows you a peek into well-kept neighbourhood secrets that are unique to where you live. Your neighbours can teach you the best way to get around or let you in on a great place to take a morning walk. Get to know your neighbourhood inside-out from their first hand experiences.
Help is always on hand
In case of an emergency, it’s nice to know a few people you can go to for immediate help—they’re literally right next door!
For example, when you're too busy to notice the impending gloomy weather, they can be the ones to warn you about the rain so that you can bring in your clothes before it gets soaked. They’re also the ones who can help water your plants or feed your pets when you’re away.
When you face home mishaps like drainage problems, leaking taps or anything that needs fixing, your neighbours can provide you with the necessary tools to fix the problem - or trustworthy recommendations for a repairman.
Experience joy and gratification when connecting with others
Giving back to others in small ways can also contribute to your own feelings of satisfaction and happiness. Let your neighbours know that you’re willing to lend a helping hand if they need it. Offer to walk their dog, or surprise them with some baked goods. When you come home after a tiring day, it’ll definitely put a smile on your face when you and your neighbours greet each other too.
Be the neighbour you'd want to connect with!
Friends vs. Neighbours — What’s The Difference?
Friends and neighbours aren’t mutually exclusive, but some people refrain from equating the two. Stories of neighbours being friends are few and far between.
In Singapore, people tend to form friendships through schooling, work, and shared interests, rather than within their neighbourhood. This is usually because there’s often a common purpose and necessary interaction that comes with being in a school or workplace setting. You don’t need to talk to your neighbours - and there are also fewer opportunities to.
Developing relationships with neighbours may be a little tricky in a local context—many people are afraid of their neighbours being too nosy or “kaypoh”. Although we want to make meaningful connections with them, we don’t want to compromise on our privacy, and neither do we want to intrude on theirs.
Whether your neighbours turn into your best friends or remain acquaintances, we should always set boundaries that are mutually agreed upon by expressing our feelings and listening to what others have to say.
If you’re unsure of how to go about interacting with your neighbours, here are a few tips on how you could cultivate fulfilling relationships with them:
Tips on Making Friends with Neighbours
Be mindful, but also be open to getting to know others
Before getting too friendly with your neighbours, be mindful and respectful about how you approach them. Perhaps start small by saying a simple “Good morning,” or a friendly greeting instead of overwhelming them with grand gestures.
After a few interactions, if you can connect with them and foresee yourself making a long-lasting friendship, you can think about exchanging numbers to keep in touch.
But if you feel that giving out numbers is too personal and you just want to be acquainted with your neighbours, that’s alright too!
Even though it’s essential to set boundaries and exercise some degree of caution when getting to know others, don’t let this stop you from planting the first seeds! After all, our closest friends in life also started as strangers.
Interact in small ways
You can try giving your neighbours small compliments if you see them doing something interesting—such as watering their plants or putting up decorations during festive seasons.
You could even go out of your way to do small acts of kindness, like sharing some cookies or buying them a cup of coffee. But don’t be surprised if they decline—neither should you force them to accept it.
Instead of gifts, perhaps try sharing useful information or asking them for advice relating to more general topics. These are great conversation starters! Slowly but surely, you’ll make them feel more comfortable and valued.
Bond over shared interests or commonalities
One topic you can’t go wrong with is food—Singaporeans love their local food. You could share your favourite local restaurant or all the hidden gems around the neighbourhood.
Share your personal perspectives about your shared interests. Who knows, you might even find a kindred spirit in your local neighbourhood!
Listen and be attentive
People could be neighbours for a full decade, and not know anything about each other - not even their names. So if you do ask for their name, don’t forget it!
Make it a point to engage and listen attentively too - don’t just have half-hearted conversations! Interact just like you would want others to if you were talking to them.
Hang out in groups
If you’re concerned about your safety when meeting someone new on your own, you might be more comfortable if you invite a few of your neighbours for a meal in a public space together.
Remember that fantastic kopitiam you and your neighbours were talking about the other day? You can suggest going there for breakfast—kopi and toast are must-haves!
Furthermore, people tend to gather in communal spaces in the late afternoons—being in shared spaces can increase the chances of interacting with others.
Spending your free time around the neighbourhood can help you become familiar with certain faces. The uncle or auntie at the nearby kopitiam might even remember your favourite order! (Of course, do wear your mask whenever you’re out and about.)
Getting to know each other in a group can also build group dynamics and minimise awkward silences since everyone can contribute to the conversation. You’ll also get a glimpse of how others interact in a social setting.
Join a group
Approaching your neighbours might be daunting. Maybe you’ll feel more comfortable talking to others from the community in a virtual setting.
Many neighbourhood communities have Facebook or Whatsapp groups that organise regular meetups and share relevant information with each other. Recently, NParks has added spaces for community gardens; this has brought together gardening enthusiasts within various neighbourhoods in Singapore. Gardening can be a great bonding activity you can do with your neighbours too!
These groups can be a treasure trove of relevant and helpful information, while also being an opportunity to bond with a community with similar interests. Be sure to keep up-to-date with the latest groups or gatherings so that you can take the opportunity to get to know your neighbours.
Join facilitated neighbourhood networks or events
It’s not easy to hold events, especially these days when there are so many social restrictions due to Covid-19.
However, some communities (like Friendzone!) have developed neighbourhood networking events—they’re a safe and ideal way for you to get to know others without immediate or serious commitments. These events often include shared activities or icebreaker sessions where you can mingle with everyone.
People join these events with a shared mindset to make friends and meet new people, so you don’t have to worry about being nosy or feel like you’re invading someone’s personal space.
Cultivating a culture in your community that you can be proud of can make you feel even more at home in your neighbourhood!
Know Your Boundaries, but Stay Empathetic and Open-minded
Maintaining good relations with your neighbours is beneficial for your personal enrichment—you’ll feel less lonely and experience a stronger sense of belonging in your neighbourhood too.
When possible, choose to interact in facilitated group activities and discussions for your comfort and safety. Protecting your privacy is important—you can maintain meaningful ties without divulging too many personal details.
Always remember to keep an empathetic and understanding perspective when interacting with your neighbours. Everyone is on their own path in life, and it’s best to avoid making snap judgments or dismissing anyone off the bat. Learn from your neighbours and grow along with the rest of your community.
The last thing you want to do is offend anyone with baseless gossip and sow discord among the neighbourhood. Instead, be warm, supportive, and open-minded, just as how you would want others to treat you! If you’d like to connect more with your neighbours but aren’t sure where to start, check out Friendzone—we might have a community event near you!