Do you ever feel lonely? Do you ever wonder if you have enough friends? Have you ever found yourself wishing you could make new friends with more similar interests? A past study found that the average Singaporean only has six friends.

The reason cited: “People from the same educational and housing backgrounds tend not to mix with people outside their own groups.

This lack of diversity and authenticity in friendships can breed an insular view of the world and those around us. That’s not the only drawback—with such a small circle of friends, hanging out can seem stale or lonely. You might focus on the same superficial topics, or get stuck trying to fit “in” because it’s all you’ve ever known. Though it’s easiest to stick to the friend groups you’ve spent so many years with, in doing so, you could miss out on many fulfilling friendships yet to be discovered.

The thing is, popping that bubble and meeting new people is easier said than done. The pandemic has complicated things further: when Covid-19 arrived, over half of all Singaporeans stopped engaging in social activities; 30% stopped all outdoor activities such as exercising and eating out. 

As you advance in life, diversity in your friend groups will become more critical in maintaining personal wellbeing and joy. Achieving variety and diversity in your personal life can be a challenge, especially in small Singapore—but with the right perspective, techniques, and support, it’s possible!

Common challenges people face because of a lack of diversity

Diversity is the practice of building variety—often by involving people from different cultural, social, ethnic, and personal backgrounds. You can build diversity in your personal friend groups, your office, your reading material - and every other aspect of life. A lack of diversity can often be seen and felt in subtle ways.

Limitations cause you to miss out on so much of the world

Misplaced prejudices may block people from developing themselves to their fullest potential.

When you stick to the status quo, you might be limiting yourself. By constantly being surrounded by opinions and perspectives that resonate with yours, chances are you might be less inclined to receiving new approaches that could potentially enrich your way of thinking. Not only that: when you’re loath to meet new people, you prevent yourself from accessing brand new opportunities and experiences that have the potential to be transformational.

Maintaining a limited circle of friends can give you deep connections—but you also risk missing out on the grand multitude of ways life can be, and is, lived.

Isolation from others may lead to loneliness

Homogenous friend groups may lead to social isolation if you don’t quite feel like you belong. Perhaps no one from your school clique quite gets your taste in music, or you find yourself without friends to gush about the latest TV show you’re binging.

Oftentimes, you might not feel understood by those around you, or feel as if you can’t share your interests. When this happens all the time, it  isn’t healthy: humans need to express themselves in order to achieve well-being and happiness. You don’t have to confine yourself to loneliness in unfulfilling relationships where you can never feel quite “right.” 

Living in a bubble can breed bigotry and fear

People who spend their lives in the same groups can struggle with a fear of the unknown, which then manifests as ignorance, racism, bigotry, or hatred. It’s easy to develop an indoctrinated dislike of specific people or groups if that’s all you hear from those around you. However, these fears and feelings aren’t based on real-life observations and experiences. 

How can you know or appreciate the beauty of the outside world if you never set foot outside of your bubble? 

How diverse friendships can improve quality of life

Diversity isn’t just a hot-button topic in pop culture or the workplace. It has real, tangible benefits for you and those around you.

Research has found that children with diverse friends have higher levels of social competence, self-esteem, well-being and resilience. They’re more well-adjusted no matter where they go.

Another study emphasizes the role of intergroup contact in reducing personal prejudice and bias. Having variety in friend groups also helps people avoid "false consensus effect," a fallacy where people assume that everyone's reality is just like theirs.

Diverse friendships are enriching and exciting, helping you gain more interesting experiences. Making a conscious effort to create more diverse connections can be helpful in not only expanding our social circle, but our worldview as well.

Tips on making diverse friendships

It’s relatively simple to achieve diverse friendships, but you have to approach them from the right mindset. Diversity isn’t a quota or a checklist that you can tick off, and friends aren’t a “collect them all” game like Pokemon.

Actively seek out diverse friendships

One significant barrier to true diversity is our built-in tendency to self-segregate into our most familiar groups. They say that “birds of a feather flock together,” and that can definitely feel true when we’re trying to expand our circles. Many of us would rather strike up a conversation with someone we know who shares something in common.

Make an effort to explore new communities. Look into new volunteering opportunities or join new groups on social media. Here’s another idea: try interacting with a neighbour! Singapore’s public housing estates have a lot of diversity structured into them, and making a new friend can be as simple as saying hello in the lift and introducing yourself.

Be open-minded

Diversity exists within every person. We're all multidimensional, with so many exciting thoughts, hobbies, interests, and perspectives. If you can't meet new people, then consider deepening a friendship with an acquaintance, or getting to know a new side of a person. Invite them to try something new with you. Or, challenge yourself by saying “yes” to someone else’s invitation to activities you may have never tried before. 

Let the friendships grow naturally

Don’t try to rush to create friendships to fulfil a certain agenda or need—that’s a sure way to create a shallow, inauthentic connection. If your first few attempts don’t work, don’t take it personally. It may just not be the right time. 

Strive to be friendly, open, approachable, and inclusive. Making new friends can take weeks or even months. Leverage the power of social media to interact with people who you may not get to see often—sometimes, a simple “I’m thinking of you” post or funny meme can make someone’s day a little brighter.

Cultivate an attitude of humility and deep listening

Final tip: avoid making value judgments. A major barrier to diversity is the belief that everything has to fit into your beliefs of what is “good” or “not good.” If you force everyone to think and value the same things as you—well, that isn’t diversity, is it?

Deepening relationships with others involves accepting them as they are. Remind yourself that different doesn’t necessarily mean bad. Practice your active listening skills and give people the gift of assertion and autonomy over their own voices, thoughts, and actions.

What’s next? 

One pitfall we’ve seen when people try to build diversity into their personal lives is that they reduce individuals into numbers. They assume that they’ve done their job once they’ve made one “diverse” friend. That’s a major misstep because no one person is a representative of their entire race or background—even people with similar backgrounds can be totally different. Diversity shouldn’t be an endpoint or box to check off, but rather, a natural result of your search for fulfilling relationships and unique perspectives.

If you resonate with what we’ve discussed and want to actively pursue more diverse relationships, that great! It may seem daunting, but every new endeavour is.

If you're not sure where to begin on your journey, why not join an event? Friendzone currently hosts weekly to monthly gatherings to help connect people living in the same neighbourhood or community— it can be a great way to meet some new people!