Friendship Flags
We’ve all had practice being friends. From a young age, we connect, build relationships and journey through life with our peers. It’s easy to assume that we have it all figured out when it comes to friendships, but it’s not that simple!
We’ve put together some red flags - warning signs of a potentially unhealthy friendship - and green flags - indicators of a thriving and healthy relationship - to help you see where your friendships are at! They could also help you evaluate the kind of friend you are, what you’re doing well and how you could improve. Read on!
Communication
Red Flags
Everything is about them: Every conversation you have seems to be focused on your friend, with no room for you to share.
They talk over you: You find that they often interrupt or talk over you when you are speaking.
They focus on the negative: Your friend is often unkind, critical and complains about things constantly. You leave conversations feeling drained.
Green Flags
They make space for you: During convos, you feel heard and understood. You feel comfortable sharing your life with them.
They offer constructive criticism: Nobody’s perfect! But when you mess up, your friend is honest without being condemning.
They uplift you: You leave interactions with them feeling loved, appreciated and encouraged.
Respect
Red Flags
They don’t respect your boundaries: Even if you’ve told them before, your friend does not remember and/or respect your preferences and boundaries.
There’s no room to disagree: Everyone is different - but they don’t make room for any opinion that is different from theirs.
They don’t want to share you: Your friend is bitter about the fact that you have other friendships. You feel guilty when you spend time with your other friends.
Green Flags
They know and love you: Your friend knows, remembers and considers your likes, dislikes and boundaries.
They agree to disagree: Even if you have a difference of opinion, they make an effort to understand your perspective.
You both have lives outside of your friendship: They know about and appreciate that you have other important relationships in your life.
Emotions
Red Flags
They’re jealous: Your friend is jealous of you and does not celebrate your wins.
They dismiss your feelings: If you share an emotion, they are quick to minimise or question it.
Double standards: They expect things from you - like time, energy and support - that they aren’t willing to give.
Green Flags
They celebrate with you: Your joys are their joys, no matter how their life is going.
They validate your emotions: Even if they can’t understand or relate, they acknowledge your emotions and how they affect you.
You’re equal partners: There is room for compromise in the relationship, and space for both of you to give and take.
Every friendship has its ups and downs, and it’s always good to evaluate things as you go. If you’re recognising red flags in your friendship, take a step back and reflect on why that might be (check out our last two Real Talks - Navigating Friendship Drama and Friendship Breakups - for more insight!).
If you’ve recognised some green flags - congratulations! A healthy friendship is something to celebrate. Be sure to tell your friend that you appreciate them, and work towards more green flags together! There are always ways to improve and become a better friend.